Metal Gear Scottacon
by Otaconcon
Summary: Myself and co. have another ridiculous adventure! The first of my 'Scottacon' series to feature a plot based on the one from 'the game'. Ha! You lost. Also, read the epilogue after the credits.
1. Opening

Tank got out of the water and activated his codec. Colonel Mckeegan was on the other end, "Tank did you make it inside OK?"

"Yeah, I don't think anyone saw me."

"Good. Anyway go to the lift and follow Liquid Drewbo. Don't worry about the guards they're all fuckin' idiots." Tank turned off the codec and worked his way towards the cargo elevator. It was just like Ja…um, the Colonel had said - they were pretty fuckin' dumb.

Tank got on the elevator and Colonel McKeegan called again, "Tank! Take off dat shitty scuba gear!" Tank pulled the mask off his face to reveal…his face. 'Metal Gear Scottacon' flashed across the screen.

The elevator reached the top and Tank crouched behind a large supply crate. Liquid Drewbo was talking to the soldiers and Tank listened in, " you stand watch here, I'm off to deal with some fighter jets. The Hind flew away and the soldiers returned to their posts.

Tank's codec bleeped. "Tank, go check for a way in – you must rescue the FARTA Chief and some other guy."

"OK!"

Tank stepped cautiously onto the snow unaware of the soldier sneaking up behind him. "Huh? Who's footprints are these?"

An exclamation mark appeared over the guard's head and there was the iconic alert noise.

"Shit!"

"Tank!" the Colonel said, "you need to hide until the status is CAUTION or lower. HIDE NOW!"

More soldiers appeared out of nowhere, "there he is!"


	2. The halfassed rescue

Tank crawled slowly down the air vent. It had taken a while but he had managed to escape to soldiers. He looked down through the grate and saw the FARTA chief sitting on his bed. Stealthily Tank dropped down into the cell. "You must be Brady, the FARTA chief. Wait…what the fuck is all this?"

There were boxes labelled 'Wong's Palace' scattered all over the floor. "Those? They all…um, y'know."

Tank thought aloud, "is it possible you're being treated really nicely because you're not really the FARTA chief and you're actually one of the bad guys? No, no that's TOO ridiculous!"

"Damn right." Brady wolfed down another box of noodles, "mmm, mmm! This has to be the best kidnapping ever! What did you want again?"

"Oh right!" Tank suddenly remembered, "I'm here to rescue you! Did you give the terrorists the codes for Metal Gear?"

"Damn right. But you only need the 3 card keys to stop them…arrgh!" Brady stumbled forwards and clutched his chest. "Arrgh! Oh what the hell! It feels like a heart attack!"

The FARTA chief fell to the ground, dead. Tank looked at the corpse, "shit, man." The codec bleeped.

Colonel McKeegan was on the end of the line, "Tank, what happened? You're supposed to save him and shit!"

The FOXHOUND doctor Rachael cut in, "looks like a heart attack to me."

Tank disagreed, "maybe it's a trick. Maybe I'm just the vector for some kind of close contact virus that was injected into me earlier and will kill all the bad guys without the Metal Gear being damaged so the government can get it back!"

"No," Colonel and Rachael said, "that's just too ridiculous."

"You're right," Tank replied.

Suddenly the cell door slid open and a soldier raised their gun, "get out you!"

Tank grabbed the gun and removed the balaclava from the soldier, "hey you're just a soldier! Where did you get these clothes?"

Tankini pointed to a naked man on the ground, "I stole them from Johnny 3 minutes ago."

An alarm sounded and soldiers flooded into the room. "Shit!" Tank shouted as he gave the gun back to Tankini and they opened fire.


	3. Duel

They left the prison area and the door closed behind them. Tank gave a sigh of relief, "wow! That was an amazing, ass-kicking, high-definition battle."

"Yes," Tankini agreed, "yes it was. Now I'll…" She froze. Her arms went limp and she ran to the elevator, leaving Tank behind.

A bright light illuminated the hallway and the outline of a figure appeared. Tank stood shocked, "what the fuck!" The being laughed then faded away. "That's it I'm calling the colonel."

"Yes, Tank what is it. Did you kill anymore VIPs?"

"Um, no. I think I just had some kind of hallucination. Even worse than when I'm high!"

Dr Rachael Hunter came online, "that was a psychic projection, Tank. Persy Mantis must be getting into your mind. Anyway get down to level B2!"

Some time later, Tank was in the B2 basement with dead guards littering the floor. "Um, Colonel. There were…um, hostiles."

"Whatever. Plant C4 on the walls that haven't been painted over to find the BarfTech President." Tank came off the codec and looked at the walls. They all looked the same to him.

When Colonel McKeegan came back online there was C4 on every wall, "Tank NO!" There was a ridiculous explosion and several walls collapsed. "Well, there's your way through.

The smoke settled and Tank entered the new room. In the centre was Kristian Baker, the BarfTech President, tied to a pillar. He struggled and Tank went over to him, "are you alright?" A shot ricocheted off the floor Tank's foot and he fell on his ass.

"You must be the one the boss was talking about. You look just like _him_," a man in a long coat came out from behind one of the pillars.

"Who the hell are you?"

The man spun his gun on his finger, "my name is Revolver Scottelot. Now, enough small talk. Let's duel!"

"Fine by me!" They stood in a duelling position and drew their weapons lightning fast.


	4. The truth behind Metal Gear

After several minutes of running around the room Tank got a lucky shot. "Ahh!" Scottelot nursed his flesh wound, "not bad. I can see why the boss is so concerned about you."

A figure in armour leaped down from the ceiling and slashed at Scottelot. "What! My hand!" Saying no more, Scottelot ran to the far door and it locked behind him.

Kristian Baker looked at the ninja-like figure in awe, "that exoskeleton! It can't be!" The ninja sliced through the wires holding Kris to the pillar and he fell forwards.

Tank braced himself but nothing happened, "eh? No explosion?" The ninja stood before Tank. "Who the fuck are you?"

"I'm like you – I have no name." The ninja spasmed and shook then leaped out of the room in pain.

Tank went to Kristian who was leaning against the wall, "tell me about Metal Gear…some more about Metal Gear. Do you have the codes?"

"No base. I gave it to some woman who came through here. Also Metal Gear is armed with nukes. Ha, owned!"

"Nuclear missiles?"

"Yes base. That's what the tests here were for. There's a trick to using the card, though."

"A trick?"

"Yes base. You have to…have to…"

"Do what?!" Tank couldn't let him die before he gave him the information.

"You have to…AHH! Oh my chest! You government bastards! Just because I'm…scene!"

"Shit! He's dead." The codec bleeped.

"Tank! What was that?"

"Um, yeah…bad news. The BarfTech President just…died on me."

Colonel McKeegan was furious, "another VIP dead! How?"

"Kinda strange Colonel, it was the same as last time."

Rachael came online, "it wasn't me. Honest!" She went offline again.

"Well, it wasn't her."

"Of course not Tank. Now find Tankini and Metal Gear!"


	5. The Bird and the Fox

Back on the ground floor Tank stood in front of the Loading Bay door. He soon found out it was locked. "Crap." He turned on the codec and entered Tankini's code.

"Well, well, well. Look who it is. Who are you again?"

"Tank. The guy from the cell block."

"Oh yeah…what do you want?"

"The PAL card and this door opened. Like now."

"I'm opening the door now. I'll wait for you in the science lab area. Somewhere round there anyway."

Tank deactivated the codec and stepped out onto the snow covered area. The door was on the far side. "Piece of cake," Tank remarked as he started to walk to the door. A explosion rocked the ground near to him and was thrown into the wall.

The top hatch of the tank advancing on him opened and a large, muscular figure emerged. "Ah, the new boy," Firecrotch Raven sneered looking down on Tank. A soldier appeared from the gunner turret and Firecrotch continued, "you are no match for us! Turn back now or…" He looked in horror at the grenade that had just landed on top of the tank, "well fuck m…"

Tank looked up as the burning outline of Raven flew through the sky, "…eeeeeeeee!"

Tank smiled as a singed level 3 card landed on the snow in front of him. He walked calmly pat the wrecked vehicle and gave it a good kick.

Some time later Tank was peering round a corner in the science labs. Along this corridor were soldiers that had been killed – messily. Careful not to step in anything Tank tiptoed along the hallway until his codec beeped suddenly, "Hey Tank!"

Tank lifted his face out of a soldier's entrails and answered it, "Yes, Colonel?"

"You've got something on you. All over you."

"Never mind that, where's the Metal Gear technician?"

"In the room ahead."

"So why did you call me?"

"Um…err…hey tank meet the rest of your support team. This is Kay Ling, she'll be recording the mission data. Also with me are your old buddy Liq…I mean Master Driller and Natascha Romanenko."

"You still didn't answer my question."

"Bye," Colonel McKeegan signed off. Tank opened the door labelled 'Metal Gear scientists – Bad guys in here' and went inside. At the far end the Cyborg Ninja was advancing on the head technician who was backed up into a corner.

"Ah, I see the 'soldier' has caught up with me," the Ninja said.

"Lewi Fox?" Tank uttered in disbelief.

"What!" the Ninja exclaimed, "you're not supposed to figure that out until much later! Oh it's on now!"

He assumed a fighting position and tank quickly did the same, "alright…let's fight!"


	6. Meet the Mantis

Lewi Fox flew backwards through another piece of glass in the science area. Tank loomed over, "you want some more, bitch?"

Lewi Fox struggled to get up, "um, no! I must be going now!" He jumped to the ceiling and escaped through an air vent.

Tank strolled over to the terrified scientist, "so you're the bastard who built Metal Gear and put nukes on it! I'm gonna kick shit into you..."

"No, wait!" the scientist yelled, "I never put nukes on Metal Gear. I made it as a defence mechanism to shoot down approaching missiles!"

"Oh…that's cool." Tank helped him to his feet. "Who are you anyway?"

"I'm Dr Val Limerick. My friends call me Scottacon."

"You know Scottacon, you look a lot like that other guy. What's his name? Revolver Sc…"

"NO! I mean, no I don't. That's just silly. Shouldn't you be getting that PAL card?"

"Oh yeah. How do you know about that anyway?"

"A girl came through here with it. If you hurry you can still catch her."

Tank sprinted down the next hall looking in every window he passed. In one room a blond bespectacled man was finishing his creation, "mass-production? Ridiculous! One masterpiece is enough!" Realising Tankini was obviously not in there, Tank carried on.

A few minutes later Tank was following a very female looking guard into the ladies' bathroom. This had to be Tankini – right? He waited until she went inside a toilet cubicle, took out his gun and jumped inside. Lieutenant Facey ran screaming from the bathroom leaving Tank very embarrassed.

"Um, Tank? Over here." Tankini was at the far end of the toilets next to the mirror. They assessed the situation and Tank got the PAL card (added to item inventory.) They went to leave the room and Tankini said, "I'll go first – you cover me."

The pair finally reached two large, elegant doors which Tank opened somehow with his security card. Looking around the inside of the room Tankini suddenly went rigid and attacked Tank. "Stop it," Tank said as he tried to defend himself.

Persy Mantis appeared, floating over the desk, "the girl is now under my control so don't try anything…" Tankini was already unconscious, "…or not. Anyway let's fight!" Persy Mantis flew around the room throwing pots, busts of famous people and paintings at Tank. Every time tank got close, Mantis relocated.

The codec beeped, "Tank put the controller in a different slot! It's the only way to beat mantis!"

"What the fuck are you talking about Colonel? Alright I'll give it a try."

2 rations and some hand-to-hand attacks later, Mantis was near to death on the floor, "why? Why couldn't I read your mind?"

"Shut up," Tank said as he planted his boot in Mantis' face.

"Ow," Mantis said from beneath Tank's foot, "take off my mask will you."

Tank did and saw his face, "ew, gross!" he said and kicked him round the side of the head. He revived Tankini and they continued on.


	7. Sniper attack!

Tank peered around the next corner carefully – it was a long way to the next building and snipers could be in position. "You'd better wait here and I'll…" Tankini was already halfway down the path. "No! Wait!"

"Ahh," a bullet went straight through Tankini's knee and arm as she tried to reach her weapon. "Tank, forget about me. You have to go on living."

"OK!" he activated his codec, "hey, Colonel? Meryl's been shot and I need a sniper rifle. Where can I get one?"

"You can't just leave her! She's ma niece!"

"Oh yeeeah!"

Scottacon cut in, "there's one in the B2 basement of the building with the tanks in."

"What the fuck! I'm not going all the way back there! That's it…"

"Tank what are you doing?" Ignoring Scottacon Tank rolled out from behind the corner and fired his SOCOM at the attacker who promptly ran off.

"Tankini? Wake up dammit!" He dragged her to the far door which had a large '4' on it. "What? But I don't have security card 4!" Several soldiers came up behind Tank and he was forced to surrender.

Tank awoke strapped to a table…with no shirt on. Liquid Drewbo came into the room and vomited. "Oh for fuck's sake put his shirt back on." Scottelot did so as Drewbo muttered, "gorrilla chest." The table turned and Tank could see his captors. "Right," Liquid said, "you look like me, I look like you, we have the girl…let's just skip to torturing shall we?"

Scottelot grasped a leaver with his remaining hand, "I'll ask you some questions, every time you don't answer you get shocked. Every time you get shocked…it will hurt - ha!" A jolt of electricity went through Tank's body as his interrogators laughed, "ha ha ha ha. Ahahaha…er, Scottelot? Try not to kill him like last time."

"Okay chief."

"Glad I got that sorted out. Ha ha ha ha ha…"

After the torture, Tank sat in his cell thinking about Tankini. The guard, Officer Wo-Wo, left and the codec bleeped. "Colonel? They got Tankini."

"So. Oh wait she's ma niece! Damn."

Kay Ling came online, "don't worry you'll find a way out. Shall I save your progress?" She saved to memory card slot 1.

"Keep cool Tank," Master Driller said, "this is where your training will come in handy. What's wrong Tank?"

"I didn't get the special missions disc with the game. You have to buy it seperately."

"Oh. Fuck."

An hour later Tank was still in the cell tapping a tune on the transparent wall with his fist. This annoyed Officer Wo-Wo, "shut up in there will ya!" That gave Tank an idea…


	8. The unPC amount of towers

Tank continued to knock on the wall until Wo-Wo got really annoyed – he stormed into the run shouting, "shut the fuck up!" Tank uppercutted him and ran away at full speed.

After recovering his equipment Tank went through the next door unaware of the security camera in place. An alarm sounded and soldiers swarmed into the tower.

"Fuck." Tank ran up the stairs followed by seemingly endless streams of guards.

(Cue Benny Hill chase theme) Every time Tank went up 20 or so steps he had o stop to blow some guy's head off. It got ridiculously annoying after a while.

Finally at the top of the tower Tank breathed a sigh of relief. Liquid Drewbo piloting a Hind-D helicopter appeared and destroyed the bridge, "brother! Time for you to die!" Tank said nothing and simply jumped off the edge of the building.

While falling through the air it occurred to Tank that it was difficult, if not impossible, to absail down a building without a rope. Completely out of options Tank jammed a meaty fist into the wall to slow his descent, no idea what lay at the bottom of his terrifying plummet.

After his terrifying plummet and another bunch of stairs, Tank stood ready with a stinger missile launcher. When Liquid got here he was going to…Drewbo flew towards him firing all his missiles. Tank leaped around the roof returning fire, "crap on a cracker!" With another lucky hit the helicopter fell waaay down to the ground.

KA-BOOM!

On his way back down the stairs Tank bumped into Scottacon, literally. "What the hell!" Scottacon decloaked and apologised. "Stealth camo you say?" Tank remarked with interest, "can I have it?"

"Not until you finish the game with a bad ending." Confused by this Tank simply continued on, "see you around."

The lift descended and Tank fought back against the invisible soldiers. Stupid Scottacon with his jerky stealth suits and dumbass face. Realising the lift had reached the bottom Tank pulled out his FA-MAS and blasted all 3 of his opponents. They slid down the inside of the lift leaving scarlet stains. "Take that you bastards."

"Take that you bastard!" Sniper Ward exclaimed as she fired her sniper rifle, narrowly missing Tank. He had made his way to this snowy, open area with buildings around it. Unfortunately Sniper Ward had been waiting for him and Tank was fighting a losing battle. "Dammit. If only I had a sniper rifle. I'll have to go all the way back to…"

Scottacon decloaked and handed Tank a sniper rifle, "here ya go."

"Okaaay," Tank said confused (again) and opened fire.

Shortly Sniper Ward lay in a pool of her own blood lamenting her foolish choices, "why, why? Why didn't I wear camouflage today?"

Tank fired the rifle point-blank in her face, "bitch." He looked over to see Scottacon, "oh, sorry." Scottacon asked why and Tank replied him. "Didn't you fancy her or something?"

"Hell no! I'll find you more supplies, carry on through there to find Metal Gear REX! See ya!"

Tank looked back at the pink clothed corpse, "okaay."


	9. Tank vs Firecrotch

Tank rolled down the long flight of stairs still fighting a genome soldier. They reached the bottom and stood up. Tank took the offensive, dealing a double punch and kick combo knocking the guard over the railings. Tank felt the heat on his face and realised he was in the blast furnace. Looking over the railings Tank could see the soldier sinking into molten metal, "holy shit!"

Tank crossed to the far door and looked around cautiously, "piece of cake." No sooner had he opened the door he was spotted by a camera and the alarms were sounded, "Shit." He ran to the elevator we descended slowly. The codec bleeped suddenly, Master Driller was on the other end.

"Hey Tank, I've done some research and Dr Hunter isn't who she says she is."

"I knew she spelt her name wrong! It's not Rachael is it? Ha!"

"Actually she's probably a spy."

"Oh. Well that's much worse. Call McKeegan and tell him. The elevator's almost at the bottom." He signed off and got off the lift.

In the giant freezer room, Firecrotch Raven had been waiting for Tank, "I've been waiting for you Tank! And I have orders to kill you!" Raven pulled out a chain gun from…somewhere.

"Well you can carry out your orders…" Tank raised his hands, "…in HELL!" Tank pulled out his FA-MAS and SOCOM pistol and fired away.

Every bullet missed Firecrotch who hadn't even flinched, "don't feel bad – it's a big room. Now die!" The battle took several minutes to finish – Tank hid behind the crates and fired a guided Nikita missile every so often as well as planting C4 and claymore mines.

Eventually Raven slid down against the far wall, "ok you got me. Here's a security card that will get you into the next area."

"Why are you helping me?"

"It's in the script. Also remember when you saw the FARTA Chief die? That wasn't him. He actually died much earlier during torturing."

"Eh?"

"That was Decoy Shroptopus – the master of disguise. Am I dead yet? No, not quite. Up ahead is the big facility with Metal Gear in – make sure to stock up on Stinger missiles. Wait…I'm dead now and I'm gonna get eaten by birds." Sure enough Firecrotch fell down and was eaten by ravens.

"Owch," Tank remarked and continued on.

After a long trek Tank finally reached his final destination. Metal Gear REX loomed over him. Just then, Scottacon called on the codec, "you're gonna need to deactivate REX with the card key. You still have it don't ya?"

"Yeah."

"Right, now get up there to the observation room." Tank walked towards the first ladder and started climbing. At the top of the first ladder, Tank's codec bleeped again, "dammit."

"Tank, Rachael was a spy!"

"Really? Oh wait I already knew that."

"She was sending transmit ions to someone inside the base. You know the one you're in."

"Were they to me?"

"No! That's my point – she's been helping the enemy."

"Whatever. Tank out."


	10. Insert card here

Tank finally reached the activation room just as Scottelot and Liquid were leaving, "ha! No-one can stop us now."

Making sure they had gone Tank snuck into the room and stood before the computer. "Scottacon we have a problem," he said as he turned on the codec.

"What is it?"

"There are 3 card slots…and I've only got one card!"

"There's a trick to using it. You need to insert it into the different slots at different temperatures. You passed a furnace and a freezer, right?"

"Oh man! I have to go all the way back there. I'll be back soon."

A ridiculous amount of time later Tank returned with the heated up car in his hand. "Ok, this is the last time I need to use it." He was about to put the card in the computer when he called Scottacon. "This will deactivate it won't it?"

"Yes Tank. This will reverse the effects of activation – also known as deactivation."

Master Driller joined in as well, "yeah Tank, do it, do it man!"

"Alright I'm going." Tank pushed the card in and nothing happened.

Suddenly an alarm sounded, "Metal Gear has been activated!"

Tank went mental, "oh feckin arse! Shit, bitch and crapping bastard! Scottacon you said…"

"I know, I know. It seems that hadn't activated Metal Gear to begin with. So instead of deactivating it…"

"You activated it for us."

Tank was astonished, "Master?"

"Haven't you figured it out yet?" Driller untied his hair and took off his shades.

"Liquid! Where's Master?"

Colonel McKeegan came online, "Tank, Master has just been found dead in his home!"

Liquid ran past the observation room window as he turned off his codec, "so long suckers!"

"Tank", Colonel shouted, "get after Liquid!" Tank turned off the codec and jumped through the window in front of him. Liquid Drewbo was waiting at the end of the platform, "come on brother! This'll be fun!" He jumped onto Metal Gear as the platform started to rise.

"Why did you call me that?!" Tank leapt onto the rising platform and called his support team.

"Good luck Tank!" Natascha said, "Beware of the lock-on missiles!"

Scottacon also called, "you need to shot the radome with a Stinger. Then he'll have to open the cockpit."

"Tank," Kay Ling asked, "should I save your mission data?" She saved to memory card slot 1.

The Colonel was last, "good luck! By the way, if you die he'll probably nuke somewhere and it'll be your fault. Stay positive!"

The floor stopped moving and Tank fell over. Liquid had climbed inside Metal Gear and was activating it, "time to say goodbye!"


	11. Drewbo's revenge

Tank instinctually took evasive action. He did combat dives and rolled to avoid the missiles Metal Gear was firing. However he was running out of Stinger missiles and the radome was still functioning. Suddenly a missile hit Tank square in the chest and he flew backwards. He stopped moving and everything went dark.

A light flew across the screen and Tank could here the Colonel's voice, "Tank! What happened? Tank?!TAAAAANK!"

Tank could see 'GAME OVER' in big letters, "oh my God! I'm dead! Hey what's that?" 'Retry' and 'Quit' appeared below and Tank thought back… _Tank, should I save your mission data?_ Of course!

Tank selected 'Retry' and he was back in the hangar in front of Liquid, "time to say goodbye!" Tank fired instantly at the radome with his replenished Stinger missiles. They hit the radome and Tank could tell from Liquid's cries he was doing well, "no! Why is this happening?" Just then Lewi Fox soared into the room and deflected Metal Gear's bullets with his sword.

Hiding behind some storage crates the two spoke quickly, "so it is you Lewi!"

"Yes my friend. I'm not dead after all."

"Dead?"

"You know…forget it – I'm here now and I'm ready to fight."

Just then Dr Hunter called on the codec, "Tank I should have told you – this is who I was sending messages to. He saved me from Zanzibar."

"Shouldn't you be under arrest?"

"It's okay. Gibbo – the Secretary of Defence - hasn't arrived yet. Oh shit…help!" The screen went all fuzzy and Tank couldn't seem to reach her.

"Um, Colonel, help!" Tank fiddeled with the controls but nothing happened for a second.

"Secretary Gibbo came on the codec, "Colonel McKeegan has no authority anymore. I'm under orders from the President to take over so FUCK YOU!"

"Damn," Tank sighed, "we should still take out Metal Gear though."

"I feel like shit, Tank. I got killed, resurrected and made into a soldier who gets shocked all the…AAARGH…time."

"You were killed?"

"Forget it! I'll take out that radome and you take cover!" Lewi Fox leaped away and ran up the wall. He backflipped off and sliced through the radome in one swift movement.

The radome exploded and Liquid opened the hatch, "dammit, you bastard! That was so expensive! Eat size 30's!" Drewbo pulled a lever and squashed Lewi under a giant foot.

Tank ran out of cover and fired at Drewbo, angered by Lewi's death. The cockpit exploded and Liquid Drewbo fell to the ground. Tank stood satisfied with his victory but his smile quickly faded, "where's Tankini?"

Tank stood looking down on the burning outer shell of Metal Gear, "if Liquid Drewbo's dead, where's his body? This game is so confusing!" Just then Tank was hit from behind and he collapsed.

Before he passed out Tank saw a familiar figure standing over him, "pwned!" Then he blacked out.


	12. Drewbo reveals ALL

Tank awoke to see Liquid Drewbo in front of him. He was tied up and his vision was still pretty blurry.

"How's it feel," Liquid asked, "to be the one to get your ass kicked? Too weak to reply? Never mind. Let me tell you a story…"

Different movies played but Tank could still here Liquid's voice, "during the Cold War there was a soldier. He may have been the greatest soldier ever. His name was…Big Bass. Yes, Tank that's right – your 'father.' Anyway he decided to be experimented on so his amazing genes could be used to improve crappy ones. The soldiers you saw today are the results of this. They also made clones. 8 at first. But the others were destroyed early on so the rest had a better chance. The 2 surviving clones? Solid Tank and Liquid Drewbo! Yes. Us. However there was one difference between us…you had all the best parts. I got the old man's recessive genes."

Liquid continued, "I don't suppose your team told you the whole story behind your mission either. Well, I'll tell you now. You remember when you got your tetanus jab before the mission? They lied. They've been lying to you all along. What Dr Rachael Hunter actually gave you was a powerful virus. It's name? FuzzDie. You are the vector for this virus – you have spread it to all the genome soldiers and members of FOXHOUND you came into contact with. Even me! But the virus is obviously flawed – it hasn't killed Revolver Scottelot or myself. It will kill you too eventually. It was Dr Hunter acting alone though. No. These were all orders from the President. Yes, that Patriot bastard!"

Tank's vision finally cleared and he spoke, "how do you now all this?"

Drewbo smiled, "let's just say…I've played this game before. Now enough small talk," Liquid undid Tank's restraints, "we've time for one last fight before the Secretary of Defence has this place nuked. Put up your fists Tank. It's brawling time!"

Both men fought vigorously on top of the Metal Gear wreckage, sweating and bleeding. They both took strong hits – in the face, ribs…and crotch. Finally the fight drew to a close as Tank uppercutted Liquid. Liquid Drewbo caught the edge of Metal Gear and struggled to hold on, "you haven't seen the last of me!" Tank ran to the edge but Drewbo couldn't hold on any longer. He fell down into the darkness, "TAAAAANK!!!"

Tank came away from the edge and looked to the other end of Metal Gear, "there you are!" He ran to Tankini who was just regaining consciousness. "Are you okay?" Tank asked her.

"Woah. I had the weirdest dream!"

"Was it a sexy dream?"

"No. I think it was…a sequel!"

Tank gasped. "We need to get out of here!" They climbed down the side of REX carefully and reached the bottom shortly.

Tankini pointed, "look. It's Scottacon!" Tank gave a sarcastic 'yippee' and they walked up to him. "What's goin on?"

Scottacon smiled to himself, "using my stealth camo I secured us a vehicle. Come on it's this way." He motioned down the corridor and Tankini went first.

Tank got another codec call and answered it, "yello?"

"Tank? It's Kay Ling. Gibbo just ordered a nuclear strike."

Tank thought about what Liquid had said. "Damn that guy's good."

"You have to get out of there Tank! I'll make one last copy of your mission data." She saved to memory card slot 1.

Tank caught up with the others and tried to speak with a mouthful of ration, "wum geesh froo met ratta hoor." Tank swallowed and tried again, "we need to get outta here! This place is gonna get nuked!"

Scottacon was in the driver's seat of the jeep he had acquired, "let's go already." Tank and Tankini ran over to him but were spotted by a camera. "Oh no," Scottacon sighed, "guards will be here any second! Tankini – sit down, Tank – man that gun turret!"

Soldiers ran in and surrounded the jeep, "you ain't goin anywhere!"

Scottacon revved the engine…


	13. Ending

A soldier by the name of Steadman sat in the surveillance room with his feet up, eating a ration. On one screen a jeep was running over some soldiers and caning it up a long tunnel leading to the exit. He looked at the screen and in a split second decided it was best for everyone if he just ignored it. "Meh." He shrugged it off and continued to eat.

The jeep tore along the tunnel with a genome soldier still plastered to the front of the jeep. Scottacon turned on the windscreen wipers and the soldier slid off the bonnet. The jeep bumped as it ran over his head, "ew," Scottacon announced.

They came to another roadblock and Tank fired the turret wildly, "die fuckers! Muhahaha…"

"Um, Tank?" Tankini interrupted his insane laughter, "they're dead ok?"

There was a screeching of tyres and the jeep continued to race up the tunnel. Another jeep came up behind them and an all too familiar figure fired his FA-MAS at them, "it's not over yet Tank!"

Tank turned the turret to face him, "Drewbo!" The two 'brothers' fired relentlessly at each other and bullets flew everywhere. Eventually, as they neared the tunnel exit, Drewbo stopped his jeep in front of theirs.

Tankini pointed, "look out! We're going to crash!"

Scottacon snorted at this, "no shiiiit!" The two vehicles collided and there was a bright light.

Tank rolled over, "I'm not dead again am I?" He saw the others looking at him alive and well….with the jeep on top of them.

Tankini frowned, "I think its safe to say we're all stuck."

Scottacon snorted again, " who are you? State-the-obvious girl?" Just then Liquid stumbled out from behind his jeep, bleeding an FA-MAS in hand. "SHIIIT!" Scottacon screamed and struggled.

Drewbo aimed his gun at them, "so long bro…ther…" He stumbled and fell to his knees, "Fuzz…"

"Die…" Tank finished as Drewbo collapsed – finally dead! The group sighed in relief and somehow got out from under the jeep.

Colonel McKeegan called on the codec, "you made it out! Congrats! Don't worry about Gibbo – he wasn't under orders from the Prez after all."

"Are you OK, Colonel?" Tank asked.

"You do remember I'm retired right? It was explained in the manual – I was only brought back into service cuz I know you… BTW, Tankini's actually my daughter! Trippy, huh?"

"That reminds me," Tank said, "Lewi Fox is dead, Rach." Dr Hunter sniffed and went offline. Tank looked to the others, "I just know she's gonna blame me for this!"

"There's a vehicle nearby you can escape with. I'll alter the report so you're dead and you won't get hassle. We'll be safe with Kay Ling's mission data to back up our story. See ya."

"Bye," Tank replied, "let's go huh?" They hurried to the 'snow-cat' and zoomed off towards the sunset.

"Hey Tank? You want my stealth camo?"

"You can have this Bandana too!"

Tank smiled, "cheeky bastards!"

THE END


	14. Credits

Credits 

Solid Tank – Sam the Tank

Tankini – Anna Bannana (Little Tank)

Dr Val 'Scottelot' Limerick

And Revolver Scottacon – Scottacon (yes, this is my full name!)

(rest of cast in order of appearance…ish)

Colonel McKeegan - Big Jake

Liquid Drewbo

And Master Driller – Drewbo Alexander Ward-Salt

FARTA Chief – Brady the Legend

Dr Rachael Hunter – Rach

Johnny Sasaki - himself

Persy Mantis – Persy

BarfTech President – Kristian the scene

Lewi Fox – Lewis

Firecrotch Raven – Firecrotch aka "Aerosmith!"

Kay Ling – Mycock (LOL)

Natascha Romanenko – Tascha the short arse

Greg and Thanatos – themselves

Lietenant Facey – Rachie Baybee (WTF?)

Sniper Ward – Farmer Laura

Officer Wo-Wo – Squire Wo-Wo

Decoy Shroptopus

And Secret character (read on) – Shroppy

Secretary of Defence – Gibbo

Officer Steadman – NJS

'Metal Gear Scottacon' by Scottacon

'Metal Gear Solid' by Konami (don't sue me!)


	15. Epilogue final conversation

Revolver Scottelot dialled the number and his boss answered. Scottelot answered his many questions

"Yes, the mission was a success. I retrieved the blue prints and the test data for Metal Gear."

"Yes, just as you predicted Liquid was beaten by Tank."

"Yes, Liquid thought he had the recessive genes, he had no idea **he** was actually Tank's superior."

"Yes, nobody knew about you – the third clone, Shropidus Snake!"

"Yes, I will continue my work as you assign it to me. This was a great victory for us."

"Yes, they thought FuzzDie didn't kill me because of a fault. Ha! If only they knew…"

"Yes, all the others were killed by FuzzDie – even Drewbo. However it seems that doctor gave it a random incubation time. It won't kill him straight away as you planned."

"Yes, your wish is my command…Mr President."

THE END?


End file.
